Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Just in ...(lmao)

on the news..

An armed man attacks...

An armed man stole a bag from a woman tonight.. while she was walking her dog.. what happened when he found out the bag held poop?


(will tell you what happens)



So i forgot to say .. I ate a praline caramel drumstick before dinner.. cause i had a stressful day.. then I had some yummy shrimp.. from Schwan's too .. garlic something shrimp.. sauteed in butter.. yummy.. and I shared some with daughter against my will..and she was eyeballing my frigging drumsticks.. no way MINE MINE MINE!


today was NOT my day

OK wake up .. 8:50 .. supposed to be at r. appt to meet my mom and my son there. Son's appt. place is at least 20 mins away. So jump up.. no shower.. same clothes i was wearing yesterday... lovely. then on the way.. I assume that the butterflies are flying to the south or something like that.. got a herd of butterfly guts all over the front of my car and my windshiled wipers dont work.. so here i am with butterfly guts on my windshield. and FYI these had yellow insides.

So then.. get to appt. I'm late. The secretary is COMPLETELY unprofession while we are sitting there waiting.. chit chatting on the phone about how she is "pissed off at."at someone.. ok i can say that at ome.. but helloo?? in a DR.s office? pffft.. so then.. after 40 minutes.. its finally our turn to get in there.

My son .. spent the last couple of nights at my mom's. The Dr. looks at Son's foot. Where's his dressing? I look at son.. Son looks at me.. then he says.. "it came off last nght while I was sleeping".. wrong answer my wonderful son.. After that i proceeeded to have the Dr. tell me that if he doenst follow directions that he doesnt want to take care of my son's toe. And futhermore.. since I was the adult.. and my son was a minor.. its was MY fault that he didnt have his dressing on his toe. Even tho i hadnt seen my kid today unti i saw him at the office. grrr

Ok after appt. I go home.. son and daughter blahblah blaing.. making nosie.. I was trying to study.. shessh .. so son kept saying I want to go to B club.. so i said fine.. get your stuff..I droppped him off at the Game shop there by B club..and siad.. okey look there is Ms. from the B Club.. after you get your stuff form the store.. walk across with her. So he says ok.. i said be careful crossing the road.. he says ok .. he asked. when are you picking me up? I said 5.. he saysokey.

So that was noon. Get home.. and studied.. then daughter was to go to movies with her main squeeze.. I said.. ask Dad..she calls Dad... Dad says I dunno when I am getting home.. so i figured.. if i could get her to agree to go to her gma's tomorrow.. all day.. then i will take her and pick her up from the movie. I'd take her and pick son up at same time.

BUT I was waiting on the Scwann's guy. Soooo waiting and waiting.. no Schwanns guy .. I didnt want to miss it.. I had ice cream cones on order.. sheesh!

So i called Scott and said.. HEY I hafta take daughter and pick up son.. and the Schwan's man is coming.. So he said.. alright I'll drop what I'm doing and come home.. but hurry up cause I have stuff to do..

Went to movies.. walked with girl up to the front because i wanted to make sure her guy is there.. he was. phew.

went to B club. no son... they said.. "We havent seen him all day." I said what? he was supposed to walk over at noon. It is now 4:55 pm I was early.. no problem.. i figured ht elittle shit walked to his friends house. But, does he know if his friend is even home? It's Easter vacation.. then someoen said.. "try the library" So I did.. lotsa homeless people in the park between the b club and the library.. Son had money on him.. nervous.. nervous... he never made it to the B club.. what if.. he was at the game store and a big kid came and beat him up .. and took his money.. What if he is hurt somewhere and I cant get to him? What if someone took him???

I was strating to stress. it was after 5 .. even when he is supposed to be at the B club.. and he is at his friends.. he is ALWAYS on time.. now Ms. from the club is getting nervous as well.

Now, reader, you must know.. I watch CSI, original and NY, I watch Without a Trace.. I watch Cold Cases.. and last night.. I watched the REAL cold case.. fricking scary beyond belief.

So now.. I am panicking.. I call Scott and am all trembly voice on the phone..
he isnt HERE! " so then he called my friend.. she sometimes sees him walking from his friends house and to B club.. she says.. didnt see him.

So then this kid, the same kid who said he hadnt seen him today, tells me.. "Hey you should check the game store.. cuz he and this other kid are there for a long time." I scoff.. "He woudnt be there for 5 coud he be there for FIVE HOURS! silly silly boy!.

So i went there.. and guess what reader? guess what? My lovable son.. that i had been all worried and upset and trembly voice on the phone about was IN THAT STORE.. still playing!!!

I said.. "You are in BIG trouble son.."

He looked at me and said.. "But mom.. i thought you were going to pick me up here"


So i am still kinda freaked out..

Get home.. and Scott tells son.. "you owe your mother an apology" so son says.. "sorry" and Scott says to me.." did you think he was gone?"

Then I lost it.... I hugged my son to me and cried..

then i went to Scott and cried more..

Scott says.. "It's ok.. he's home.. " still crying.. then he says. "look to Catch a Thief is on.. ' that show where they break into people's houses and break all their stuff and steal it, then tell them how to protect their homes from break ins..

still sniffling.. He says.".look they broke that ladies china.. it was four generations old"

So then I look up .. "really? "

others people misfortune.. is so intersting.. isnt it?


But I am still kinda shaky.

damn kid.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Adam Ant yes.. the 80's but still hot..  Posted by Hello

no title really

OK so .. Easter was really great. I wasnt sure about going to my sister's because I need ot study for a test thats on Thursday. But, its a holiday, and i never see my sister and brother in law it feels like. Sooo .. when mom said she'd pick me and the kids up, I figured ok.. lets go.. I dont have to drive. But about 30 minutes into the trip, squashed between both kids, and my butt becoming extremely frozen, i was really changing my mind. I should have drove.. I like driving as long as its not stop and go. I love my music.. i love driving my own way.. I swear a couple of times I was going to scream while my dad drove. Hey I'm an adult now.. I should drive my own car. I have a PT Cruiser cute little thing.. Told Scott he should paint black spots on it like a cow. and then I could get my license plate to read.. PT Mooser... cute huh?

So I have a test this Thursday .. and then off to Laughlin on Friday. woohooo!

Oh and on another note, Scott and i fought over money last night.. I swear.. I know I'm not working.. but i will be in May.. and school is stressful.. whats the matter with me spending $100 on CD's .. and another $100 on DVD's.. *sighs* I know.. I shouldnt have.. well it was actually $200 at Target.. so he was pissy.. but I"m the one who got screwed in the house refinance.. I have to spend $175 more a month now.. it keeps creeping up and I'm the dumbass stuck paying for it. blah.. Oh well when I become a nurse and make $10 more an hour than him.. than I can buy CD's and DVD' and yell at him..

I look forward to it.

obsidian :)

Saturday, March 26, 2005

ok show of hands.

How many of you have cooked a pizza leaving the cardboard on the bottom?

ok yeah me neither.


Deadly Bagels

Ok totally not kidding here. Third timeI have choked on a bagel, totally thought I was going to have to do the Heimlach on myself.. couldnt breathe and was trying very hard to get it back up my throat cause it was stuck in my windpipe and nothing could get by... very scary :(

I think it is time to get that radioactive iodine.. I can see it now.. "She died from a bite of bagel because she didnt get her thryoid treatment.. shall we pull the plug?"

Yes, pull the plug. I dont want to be kept alive by any artificial means if my brain is gone. If I had severe brain damage and i coudlnt feed myself, disconnect me.

I think it might have the same tunrout as the Terri Schiavo case. My parents are catholic. but I think after 15 years they would think its all over.

OK I asked Scott..he said after 15 minutes he'd want us to disconnect the feeding tube.

My kids said after 15 years, yes.. if they cant do anything.. why bother?

So there ya have it.

Yes, I will get the darn treatment.. i dont like choking on food.. darn goiter, George, is pressing on my trachea and all.. causing me to have diffculty breathing.. Evil George.

So on Monday I will ring the DR. office and ask them to make me an appt.

Soon i will be like the hulk and glow in the dark..

wonderful to look forward to .. but at least i can bagels then.


Tuesday, March 22, 2005

the dark inside of me

Have you ever done something.. so deep .. so dar that you didnt want anyone to know about it? Something that fills you with shame and despair everytime you think of it? Something you have told only a select few.

I have.

Something I wouldnt ever forgive myself for. Something I dont think many would understand, or approve of.

I push things ot the back of my mind and hope that I never remember. Most of it was my marriage, I have blocked so much of that out of my mind.

He was a monster.. and I didnt want to be beaten anymore. Most people dont understand. Why would you stay in a marriage like that? You are weak, you are stupid.

I saw the videos for Independane day and Broken Wing from Martina McBride today, whenver I see abuse it makes me feel vulnerable, like someway he can get to me again. I think thats why I fear for my kids so much, I know there is evil out there. I have seen it in him.

It was because of him as a threat, I know it was my own choice, it was because I was afriad, is why I did it. But, of course, I can't put the blame on him, it was me who ultimatley was the ont in the end.

Part of me wishes I had killed him. It the survivor instinct, kill or be killed. Luckily, I got away before it came to that.

I've been reading blogs of so many women who want to be pregnant and have babies.. and here I am .. lucky.. I have two healthy wonderful kids.. why is it that I have them and they don't? Why, a bad as I am, why is it I have them when these wonderful other women deserve them more than me?

They more I read, the more guilt and sadness I feel. I should have had 4 kids.. but I dont... and its my fault. I will never forgive myself, and I dont expect anyone else to.

But, maybe it will stop someone else for making the same mistakes I did. With living with abuse as well as ending your pregnancies. I've been through therapy yes, I am happy that I have Bian and didnt listen to my ex-husband and get rid of him too.. I keep telling myself the reason why I did it was because i was soo afraid of losing my husband.. asshole that he was..I would rather get rid of the pregnancies.. than lose him.. I was stupid.. no man is worth it.. everytime I see baby clothes.. babies.. anything to do with pregnancies or babies.. I cry.. and I only hope that those lives i ended will forgive me. I think about them and wonder what they would be like today. I see them in every baby I see.

Yes, I'm a mess.

I'm sorry

Sunday, March 20, 2005


ok.. the title is sighs.. because I am bored.. nothing going on.. I am on vacation.. but lucky me.. I have a test soon as we get back from vacation..

Soo i will be doing some studying.. not like S who is going to San Diego, to the beach, Disneyland.. and who knows where else... bitch...

sooo maybe I will get to scrapbooking some of the kids pics.. I swear there is a big huge gap where we didnt take any pictures.. arghghghg..

But there are always the kids school pics.. whoppeee

and I am missingpictures.. why I'm not sure.. maybe the daughter stole them..

anyhooow.. my wonderful and exciting life.

and I'm still not talking to my friend... I think maybe it iwll be a good break for the both of us.. I thik I am still stunned at they way she jumped on me..

and my online guy .. has new job.. so may not see him much.. guess I get to peruse everyone's blogs..should be fun! :D

*the bored*

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

So here's a question

Say you and a friend, not a close one, lets call her friend #1.. were chatting on IM.. then your bestfriend comes on.. she answers an offline you sent her a while back in which you were talknig about friend #1..

Bestfriend says "I know about friend #1 already"

you(being me) say.. "well of course you do, you always know everything before I do "

(now I know you dont know me.. so you dont know in which context i said it.. so just guess)..

In any case.. my bestfriend doesnt say another word to me, now neither does the friend I was talking to to begin with. So I wait... 5 mins.. 10 mins.. then I ask my bestfriend.. hey are you talking to friend #1? She says yes.. so they were talking to each other for 10 minutes and pretty much didnt say anything to me.

Now, am I waaaay offbase thinking this was rudeness? I dont know..

In any case I said I was going.. for the night.. I had other stuff to do.. which I do.. my family.. so anyhow.. my bestfriend said i was trying to give her the guiltrip, that I hated to not know what she knows.. and that it was just like me..blah blah blah.

That pretty much hurt my feelings again.. I mean heck .. I tell her everything.. everything.. so for her to accuse me of being pissy because friend #1 told her something first.. its stupid..



I miss the 80's.. again.. :P

OK so i ordered this Adam Ant video tape.. and I have to say he did pretty well for being the pioneers in the video/MTV business.

Its just funny to see a video shot in the corner of a room using lights as the only special effect..and how elaborate music videos are today ..

I think its too bad Adam Ant's last music made was in 1995.. yeah sure he redid songs for the Gorillas he remade Stand and Deliver to Save the Gorillas LOL in 2000 I think? Very cool tho to step in and help. and tho i havent heard those songs yet.. I've heard from others they were good.. but his record company shot them down.. and they couldnt be released.. bastards..

So he had some pretty flamboyant outfits there in the 90's but I was lmao at the way people were dancing way back then.. funny huh? But back then .. it was cool.. LOL .. I'm sure if we look back on the 2000's in a decade... we will seem funny now tooo!

So to get back on Adam Ant again.. people talk shit about him because of the bar fight =in 2003.. well hellooooo !!? so what? There are bar brawls everyday.. just happens that this one was someone who was famous.. and what was he famous for? "How many women have you slept with Adam? " Less than 1000... 1000????!!!!! so you wonder why people ar so quick to point out his flaws...that little green demon...the women all loved him..heheh

ok me included.. ;)

was it the leather pants or the make up ? I think.. he had a perfect thing going tho.. women read then and now.. historical romances.. he fit into the hero figure.. Prince, pirate, he was dressed as a navy sailor at one time, highwayman, sheik, in another he was in a barn in the hay.. so come on.. you dont think he knew what he was doing> of course he did.. all those persons he portrayed are the romantical figures in women's fictional books! He got into women's fantasies.. smart man.

Course, for his fame there was a price, two stalkers.. can you even imagine being stalked? People showing up at your doorstep, saying you were married. breaking into your home.. showing up on your doorstep nude... now explain that to your significant other... I would think a person would change after stalkers..

So now, maybe he is done with music... but he wont be forgotten.. because there are alawys going to be people who remember the 80's fondly.. and pass it to their kids.. and so on.. I've passed it to mine.. i only hope after I'm gone they dont sell my CD's and videos on Ebay.. LOL

Eh well if they do .. i hope they get a good price :P

obsidian :)

Monday, March 14, 2005

Mothers worry :(

Totally scary thing tho, mom said to me today.. I wish there were more little kids around.. your kids and (sisters) are too big..

Um.. yeah okey mom dont look at me!.. Im trying to get rid of mine.. 5 more years left!! :P

Not that they are bad kids.. but the money, the whining, the worry I dont know.. I will be glad when they are big enough to defend themselves..

I guess thats what all mothers worry about.


Friday, March 11, 2005

Thoughts about George

******** i dint know my post from yesterday was up.. so .. eh read them together :P*****

OK so i have hyperthyroidism... its a disease.. means it will never go away. I stated getting symptoms in September, when i started nursing school, but i didnt think anything of it.

Heat intolerance, sweating, skin troubles, and a rapid pulse.

But i just figured it was school. And its sitll raging hot here in Sept.. so didnt think aboutit.. Then I had sciatica.. nothing to do with hyperthyroidism.. but with all the stress of school all my other symptoms i just figured was stress, not being sick.

So ten i went to give blood, the nurse said.. your pulse is 104 you cant give blood when your pusle is over 100,, Do you think you are dehydrated? I said I dunno, could be.. so she said.. go eat.. I went and ate at Chili's, i went back and she said it was over 120 now.. LOL.. So i figured something was wrong. My sister has hyperthyroidism too.. so I started looking up the symptoms.

Well it wasnt til February that I dragged my bum into the Dr.s' office. I went to the DR/s finally because i found George. George is my goiter. You know that cartoon, where the red guy or was it the Abominable snowman? Anyhow whichever one says "I will hug him and kiss and call him George" Thus my goiter is named. They told me to go get labs done.. so i did. Labs were insanely high for my metabolism. My supervisor had said I was losing wait.. course I didnt believe her.. ha.. so I've lost bout 15 pounds.

I should be happy right? eh well.. its the skin thing that is driving my crazy. Pruritis. argghghg.. Sooooo then i had my thryoid uptake and ultrasound..

No nodules which is good.. if you have nodules you have get your thryoid out then I believe.. eep. I went back to Dr. and he said mu Thyroid uptake scan was off the charts. Pretty cool huh? apparently something I am good at then, producing Thyroid Stimulation Hormone. .:P

I was truly debating whether i should get his treatment or not.. why you ask? I'm losing weight..
I used to be a cute 119 and looked pretty good.. ot great.. but ok.. and now I am at 134. Having lost the 15 pounds.. yes you can add.. it was 149.. not good :((

School and studying makes me so sedentary and then when I'md not studying I want to play on the computer or read, or watch moves.. right now I am here and watching My Fair Lady..

So i was hesitating to get treatment.. and then my Dr. says well its good we started ont his.. because those goiters can lead to cancer.. eeep.. ok glad he said that.. or i would have procrastinated my radioactive iodine treatment.

I do know that the pulse being up so high for a long time woudl make a a big risk for myocardial infarction.. which is a heart attack. Nope not for me.

So i guess i will either resolve myself to being a fat butt.. or i iwll get out and walk.. its startign to get hot again.. but if i were to walk in the morning, when boy goes to the bus stop then be back in an hour to teak girl to school.. that woudl work.. yeah i have to figure out how to eat good.. I used to do that so well .. *sighs*

So now they are calling me to schedule my radioactive iodine.. no doesnt that sound kinda scary.. i dirnk this stuff and it shrinks my thryoid.. i wonder if it hurts.. I should ask my sister..So hoever big or insane George the Goiter is, is what strength the radioactive iodine is.. if i get a huge dose.. i have to stay in the hospital..if i get a medium dose.. i have to stay away from people, no closer than 6 ft.. yeah bf is gona have to sleep on the couch.. muhuwahahahah i get the whole bed to myself.. *sprawls out*

Soo..i gues i should go call them back.

I hope I get to glow in the dark.. :D

I will be .. "Goiter Girl" able to leap tall piles of magazines in a single bound.. its a girl.. its a gouter.. and it glows in the dark!! Goiter Girl!! :P


going now..



I tried to post yesteray but it wouldnt let me.. going to see if this one works


Thursday, March 10, 2005

A Visit to the Doctors... yet again

SO like the title says . i went to the Dr's yesterday. We went over my labs.. which he said... couple were really high and the other was off the charts. Sooo its official I have hyperthryoidism.. I wonder if W--- will let me use it for my class paper... I doubt tho.. ppffft.

I didnt really wat to go to the doctor... I was planningon ditching it. Why? Because I'm losing weight with this disease. Sad isnt it? I'd rather put my health at stake and avoid getting treatment because I dont want to gain weight.

But i did get to the doctor and he said.. glad we caught it in time because untreated it coudl become cancerous. Yeah now that scared me.. i think I'd rather be a bit heavier than die.. right? hey right???

Course part of me is saying.. I dont know.. I like being 15 lbs less.. take the cancer takt the cancer!

Sick isnt it?

I cant say i feel better at 15 lbs less because the rest of the hyperthyroidism makes me crazy. I'm hot all the time, I cant take the heat, i have muscle tremors, my pulse is over 125, i get short of breath, my muscles went to crap, I'm irritable as times (wow yes, even me!:P)

So the dr. put me on atenolol.. nursing implications? I dunno hopefully one of my fellow students will remember LOL .. that should slow my heart down. course i havent run to the pharmacy to get it filled..

Hey I have movies to watch today :)


Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Test :(

Ok the test tonight really was not what I had thougyt it would be. I have studied every day.. all the electrolytes. the normal values, signs and symptoms, nursing intervention .etc .. and i was a little nervous before the test because i had forgotter to do the study guide.. so i quickly went through it and checked it against Flor's answers... couple were off.. but other than that.. I was ok .. just memorized it.

Then if that wasnt stressful enough, the project we were supposed to turn in, the girl who said she was going to put it together.. suddenly said.. I'm too stressed I can't do it. you guys will have to present it yourselves.

This is the girl who wanted to do it.. at 9 am at Starbucks.. ok .. we were there.. she was 50 minutes late.. we had already divvied up the work and told her.. you put it together on the presentation board and then present the information we research and write up.

I had to write a part of a case study, the previous history and the assessment of the patient. F, S and H wrote a ton on theirs.. then then C, who all she had to do was to paste our stuff up on a cardboard, who took it upon herself to change everything we wrote.. and then told us she didnt know anything about the presentation and we had to do it..

I think the whole class bombed the test..

S wanted to go to Chilis for drinks.. but F had to be somewhere and since i carpool with F no drinks for me. :( But i do have a raspberry daquiri wine coler.. I know soo high school but hey ..I like them :P

And I'm living in the 80's anyhooow.. where's my aquanet?

I think we will all go drinking tomororw night.. of course.. by drinking i mean like two foofy drinks :P

I dont normally drink LOL

obsidian :)

Adam Ant

So here I am .. again.. in this obsessive phase.. I mean really .. I get in these oods where i have to have EVERYTHING and thast is now..

My latest obsession is buying all that is Adam Ant.

How did i get here? Well I ran into Essential Adam Ant in Orange County last week.. I picked it up .. wanted to get back to my 80's music. I have been listening to the local 80's station quite frequently lately... so here i was with my new Adam Ant CD.

I;ve been listening to it 24/7 since then. and now i have also ordered from, bout 6 more of his CD's and bidding on a couple of his LP's, to which i have no record player.. and a couple of his DVD's...which they say that are universal brand and will fit in any DVD player.. if not I"ll be ticked.. grrr

So yes, really want the VHS tape i ordered on all his videos on it..

Well i ordered it on the 4th .. so i really hope it gets here soon.

I still think he's hot.. *sighh* hurry up video.. get heeere!

ok .. going back to studying.. have test tonight..

wish me luck :)


Sunday, March 06, 2005

Hellooo :)

I created this account not to bore anyone with my life... but to answer someone else's blog.. :) I may write something if i get the urge..

I'm sure you are all thrilled to pieces..

obsidian : )