Monday, September 05, 2005

Happy Birthday to Me

I'm a year older in 12 minutes.

In looking back on this year, I'm surprised I made it through.

Through all the health problems, mental meltdowns, personality conflicts, teenage children, and major amounts of papers and tests... I made it another year.

But, what is really disturbing. What in fact bothered me enought o think about it tonight..

Is that most of my friends, have changed from one year to the next. I never stay friends with people for long. Moving from job to job. Or school, semester to semester. I dont stay in touch with people that well.

I guess its ok in the case of my family. We arent very close. In fact, if I had any real heartbreaking problem, I wonder who I would go to.

Would I talk to my sig other about it? I probably would approach him, but would he understand? Probably not. I am seriously disillusioned about this soul mate thing. Personally I dont believe there is such a species.

Would I talk to my sometime friend M? Would I tal to the girls from school? Probably talk to S from school, yes.. but .. then what.. after I graduate are we still going to be firends? or will we drift apart and not take the time to keep our friendship going>?

I have online friends, in the same RPG game I've played for 3 years. Some I've even known before that. But, the common interests we may have once had are diminishing.

Then soon I will graduate.. and will be working in the hospital.. and will have a whole new set of people to deal with. Then what? I will make "new friends" and will they truly be friends?

Maybe I am just not the type to keep long term friends. Maybe I just dont want anyone to know me long enough, then they might really see who I am.

What am I going to change for the upcoming year?

Well I have already started getting back on the dreaded treadmill

I need to dust.. bigtime..

I'm not much of a cleaner tho. My mom spent all her waking moments it seemed like.. cleaing up after 6 kids.. she was miserable. If people come over to my house and wrinkle their nose because I have dusty shelves, and there are crumbs from pretzels on the floor, then they can can find the dusting stuff and the mop and have at it.

I'd rather pop in a movie.. or read a book .. or write .. I love to write.. a few people i know online who have read my stuff have said I should publish my stories.. but .. firstly that would require me to rewrite a lot of stuff I already wrote, which involves time. Secondly it would require me to put myself out there, my heart on the chopping block, because i put my heart into my writings.. and then what.. watch it get chopped into smithereens as someone takes it apart and critiques it.

I dont know.. we'll see what this new year brings.

And hopefully next year I wont be as brooding as this year LOL

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